Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
