tell your sister to shave her snatch
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
