i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
