And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
