Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
