Me. At least after what I've been through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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