I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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