So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
