I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
