Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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