Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
