You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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