i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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