Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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