in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
last night I used snow as a chaser
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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