Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
