I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize