There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
