Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
