No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
