i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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