no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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