Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
