mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
