I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
