i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
