I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
