But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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