Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
