I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did I show you my penis last night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
