My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
