you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
