Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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