first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
