So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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