I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
