they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
