if i can run in heels then i can drive
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
