We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
