I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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