do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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