What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
