FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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