he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
