I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
