Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
