Your face is a jimmy john
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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