So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize