I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
