Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
