Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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