Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
