yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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