He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
