Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
