This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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