Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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