The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
