dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
