My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
