an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
