I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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