home. puking in laundry basket.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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