Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did I show you my penis last night?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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