I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize