i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm bleeding and have questions
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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