HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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