she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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