Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
