I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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