I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
