I heard we made out
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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